FACTS ABOUT THE JEWISH ESPOUSAL

And Why an Espoused Couple Were Legally Man and Wife

Matthew 1:18, The Jewish betrothal was a solemn promise before witnesses (Ezra 16:8; Mal. 2:14), embodying the essentials of the marriage vow. No further promises followed. In later times it was ratified in writing. By virtue of the betrothal the bridegroom and the bride became husband and wife as is shown in the next verse where Joseph is called Mary’s husband, and in verse 20 where she is called his wife (Deut. 22:24). It is a mistake to regard “husband” and “wife” as proleptic terms denoting the husband and his wife to be. This is reading into the Jewish procedure our modern conception of an engagement. The Jewish betrothal was the marriage itself. But the Jewish custom placed an interval, longer or shorter, between the betrothal and the bringing home of the bride to her husband’s house. No religious ceremony and no vows of any kind accompanied this home-bringing although it was made a festive occasion with a procession and a feast following (Matt. 25:1 etc.). [R.C.H. Lenski’s commentary on The Gospel of Matthew, page 40.]

Luke 1:27, The perfect participial tells us that the betrothal had taken place some time before and was now in force. But we should understand this in the Jewish way: the Jewish betrothal was public and had vows that constituted virtual marriage and needed only that the bridegroom should come at the set time, take his bride, celebrate, and live with her. That is why a betrothed maiden could be called a wife (Matt. 1:20), and her betrothed man her husband. It is unwarranted, however, to demand that we must today enter marriage in the same way. The Word of God demands nothing of the kind… In our practice betrothals are engagements and not yet essentially marriages but only promises of future marriages, and the binding marriage vows are not made until during the marriage ceremony. [R.C.H. Lenski’s commentary on The Gospel of Luke, page 60.]

Luke 2:5, The vows of marriage were made at the betrothal, which was always public, and none were needed when the groom took away his bride. [Lenski’s commentary on The Gospel of Luke, page 122.]

The Ancient Jewish Betrothal and the Wedding

Until late in the Middle Ages, marriage consisted of two ceremonies that were marked by celebrations at two separate times, with an interval between. First came the betrothal [erusin]; and later, the wedding [nissuin]. At the betrothal the woman was legally married, although she still remained in her father’s house. She could not belong to another man unless she was divorced from her betrothed. The wedding meant only that the betrothed woman, accompanied by a colorful procession, was brought from her father’s house to the house of her groom, and the legal tie with him was consummated.

From the website www.myjewishlearning.com https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/ancient-jewish-marriage/

ALFRED EDERSHEIM

Whichever of the two modes of betrothal may have been adopted: in the presence of witnesses… being perhaps concluded by a benediction over the statutory cup of wine, which was tasted in turn by the betrothed… From that moment Mary was the betrothed wife of Joseph; their relationship as sacred, as if they had already been wedded. Any breach of it would be treated as adultery; nor could the band be dissolved except, as after marriage, by regular divorce. Yet months might intervene between the betrothal and marriage. [From “THE LIFE AND TIMES OF JESUS THE MESSIAH” by Alfred Edersheim, Vol. 1, pgs 149-150.]

At the betrothal, the bridegroom, personally or by deputy, handed to the bride a piece of money or a letter, it being expressly stated in each case that the man thereby espoused the woman. From the moment of betrothal both parties were regarded, and treated by law (as to inheritance, adultery, need of formal divorce), as if they had been actually married, except as regarded their living together… On the eve of the actual marriage (Nissuin, Chathnuth), the bride was led from her paternal home to that of her husband. [From “THE LIFE AND TIMES OF JESUS THE MESSIAH” by Alfred Edersheim, Vol. 1, pg 154.]

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Kretzmann

As a rule some time elapsed before a betrothed virgin was formally given in marriage and taken to her husband’s house, Deut. 20:7, Judg. 14:7-8 and 15:1-2. During this time, cohabitation did not take place, though the marriage contract was legal and binding. (Kretzmann’s commentary, volume 3, page 4)

Mary was still a virgin as she protests to the angel (Luke 1:34). But she was engaged, or espoused, according to Jewish custom, to a man by the name of Joseph, who was also of the royal blood. The betrothal among the Jews, according to the command of God, was as binding as the consummated marriage. It was attended with many ceremonies and took place about a year before the wedding. (Kretzmann’s commentary, volume 3, page 264)

Saudi weddings

The real marriage ceremony had been preformed weeks prior to the wedding; no women had been present. Only men had participated in that ceremony, for it was the signing of dowry agreements and exchange of legal papers. Today, the few words would be spoken that would complete the marriage rite. (Princess, by Jean Sasson, page 35)

As with all Saudi weddings, the official ceremony had been conducted earlier. With Kareem and his family in one part of the palace and I and my family in another, the religious sheikh had gone from room to room, asking us if we accepted the other. Kareem and I had not been allowed to say our words of promise in the other’s presence. (Princess, page 129)

Because most Christians, even those responsible to teach the truth, fail to understand the difference between a Jewish espousal and a modern engagement Satan has been able to spread the lie that Mary had to endure much shame and reproach during her pregnancy. The Bible says no such thing. That myth is purely the product of someone’s imagination. Those who stress works obedience love to go on and on about how “obedient” she was to endure the “shame” of being pregnant with Christ. However, none of it is true. God brought the custom of espousal into existence so there would never be any shame connected with Christ’s birth, and there never was. I have already pointed out that Mary was legally Joseph’s wife. Furthermore, soon after she became pregnant she went into the hill country to stay with her cousin Elisabeth who was at least six months pregnant at that time (Luke 1:36-39). There she would have been introduced as the wife of Joseph. She then remained with Elisabeth for three months, and left before her pregnancy was obvious.

We do not know how Joseph learned that Mary was pregnant, but, after being told by the angel “Do not be afraid to take unto you Mary your wife,” he took her to himself (Matt. 1:20, 24). Moreover, just as some weddings today are large and some are small, so it was then. Joseph could have taken her to his house without a big celebration, or at three-months no one may have noticed. And, since Joseph had to go to Bethlehem, they left before she gave birth. So, there was no shame! Nor was there any reason for shame. Zacharias, Elisabeth and Joseph all knew that she was pregnant with the messiah, and Joseph would have taken her to live with him before her pregnancy was obvious. This was all according to God’s plan, so that there would be no shame connected with Christ’s birth. And, the fact that when they arrived in Bethlehem she was still Joseph’s “espoused wife,” tells us that the marriage had not yet been consummated (Luke 2:5).